i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
