you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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