Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
