so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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