Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
