We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
