put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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