i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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