If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
