Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
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