I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
