you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just invented taco cereal.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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