Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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