Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
