Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
