I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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