So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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