Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
