If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
