every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
