Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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