I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
