So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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