he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
