ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
