I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
