Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That accounts for only three of the penises
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
