Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
