I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
