Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
