Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
