That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
