new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
