if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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