Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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