I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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