Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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