I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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