He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
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