I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
