On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
