break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
