Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize