matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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