It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
