A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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