I'm pants shitting drunk right now
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i drank out of a bidet.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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