none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he thought i was a dude.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
