Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
