First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
