u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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