I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
