I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
