Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
