Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I could fuck to npr.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
