Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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