Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
