she smelled like a LAN party
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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